Welp, We’re Truly Screwed Now: A Very Early Pre-Post-Mortem

Classiest First Family Ever!

After Donald Trump’s big win in Indiana the head of the Republican party says that he is now the party’s presumptive nominee for president, and I have never felt more like I am taking crazy pills.

So, it’s time to start accepting some unpleasant facts. The most likely outcome of all this is that Hillary Clinton will be the next president of the United States. The next most likely outcome is that Donald Trump will be the next president. We have to get way down the line of improbability before we can see a possible future that doesn’t make me want to slam my head in a car door.

Whoever wins the presidency, this election will probably be devastating for Republicans in the House and Senate. Let’s face it: Hillary and Trump will have pretty much the same policies, so with no substantial resistance in Congress, the Obamafication of the country will be cemented in place much more firmly than Reagan’s revolution ever was. Speaking as a pro-free-market, small-government, individual-liberty-loving, conservative Christian, the future of the country now looks to me like a loooong dark tunnel with very little visible light on the other end.

It’s not the country I thought it was. At least, not anymore. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from this, our national re-enactment of the pie fight scene from Blazing Saddles:

— Some people love power way more than freedom: And I don’t just mean the Frank Underwood wannabes who run for office. When given the choice between a principled candidate in favor of the rule of law and a thug who promises to give them everything they want and make their enemies suck hind teat, a whole bunch of voters will pick the thug.

— … Or principles: A lot of media and political professionals who built their careers espousing the joys of small-government conservative principles have happily pitched all of that over the side so they can suck up to the Upper West Side’s Huey Long.

— You can’t exaggerate how much the American people hate their government: The biggest thing Trump has going for him is that he’s never held elective office. He stinks, but at least it’s not like normal politician stink. He is the personification of the attitude, “Let’s just burn it all to the ground.”

— … And you can’t blame them: I’m disappointed in the number of people who claim to be evangelical Christians who are voting for Trump in the primaries. But at the same time, they’ve seen politicians who claimed to share their values forget about them as soon as they step on the plane to Washington. The political class, left and right, simply does not care about their voters.

So here we are. I’m not voting for either of the major party candidates for president this time around, and that’s actually kind of liberating. I’m going to sit back and watch this election purely from an entertainment standpoint, like a NASCAR fan who enjoys a good wreck, right up until the moment that a stray tire hops the retainer fence and clocks him in the head.

Again, the most likely outcome is that Hillary wins, but there has been too much craziness over the last year to assume that anything is a sure thing. It could turn out better; it could turn out much, much worse.

For example, for all the talk about Trump getting blown out in a match-up with Hillary, if protesters keep showing up at Trump rallies turning over police cars and waving Mexican flags, he’ll win in a landslide. He couldn’t get better campaign publicity if he paid for it himself. (Hmmm…)

And if the black swan comes home to roost and Trump does get elected, my hope is that his administration will be such chaos, such a complete goat rodeo, that it locks the government up for four years and prevents anybody from doing too much damage.

That, my friends, is what we call low expectations. But it’s all I’ve got, so I’m rolling with it.

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