The Hardest New Year’s Resolution Ever

How about some resolutions for the new year? These are just for me, but feel free to add them to your own self-improvement goals, and join me in failure two weeks from now.

Really, most of these are pretty achievable. I’m setting the bar low, because 1) we’re having a baby in a couple of weeks, and I ain’t gonna have a whole lotta time for all this self-improvement jazz, and 2) I’m including at the end of this list the Hardest New Year’s Resolution Ever! (Don’t peek ahead!)

– Be funnier: I know what you’re thinking,”What do you mean, funny-er?” Really, though, I used to be pretty funny, but I feel like I’ve lost a step or two lately. It could be because I spend a lot of time with my son, who thinks I’m a comedy genius because I know the lyrics to “Surfin’ Bird,” so I don’t have to flex the humor muscles too much to get laughs. But I’m going to make a conscious effort to get them back in shape. (Added advantage: doesn’t involve the troublesome diet and exercise required to get real muscles in shape.)

– Foster widespread use of the emoticon I invented, for “Well, duh,” seen below:

:B

Please take it and use it in any situation that makes you want to say, “Well, duh.”

– Read half as many books as my wife, who goes through books like an NSA supercomputer goes through emails. Over/under for the number of books I’ll have to read to get to 50% of her total – 20. Totally true fact: By January 3rd and she had already read two books. So, I’m looking for recommendations of books with wide margins and lots of pictures.

– Improve my workout routine from “half-assed” to “three-quarter-assed.” I’m not trying to be a CrossFit champion here. I just need to be able to climb a flight of stairs with a two-year-old in one arm and a baby carrier in the other. Is that so much to ask?

And now, here it is: the most important of my resolutions, and the most difficult one possible.

– Care about things that matter; don’t care about things that don’t. It seems simple enough when you say it now, with the new year laid out before you like a crisply drawn battlefield map. But once your landing craft hits the beach, things get confusing in a hurry.

The question is, when you’re in the middle of the scrum of your daily life, can you keep the perspective that allows you to see what matters and what doesn’t? I hope I can. It’s certainly worth trying.

So, let prayers go up for discernment and wisdom. If I can keep this resolution, people will say, “Hey, Jason, you seem like you’ve had a good year.” And I can say, “Well, duh.” :B