The Hardest New Year’s Resolution Ever

How about some resolutions for the new year? These are just for me, but feel free to add them to your own self-improvement goals, and join me in failure two weeks from now.

Really, most of these are pretty achievable. I’m setting the bar low, because 1) we’re having a baby in a couple of weeks, and I ain’t gonna have a whole lotta time for all this self-improvement jazz, and 2) I’m including at the end of this list the Hardest New Year’s Resolution Ever! (Don’t peek ahead!)

Be funnier: I know what you’re thinking,”What do you mean, funny-er?” Really, though, I used to be pretty funny, but I feel like I’ve lost a step or two lately. It could be because I spend a lot of time with my son, who thinks I’m a comedy genius because I know the lyrics to “Surfin’ Bird,” so I don’t have to flex the humor muscles too much to get laughs. But I’m going to make a conscious effort to get them back in shape. (Added advantage: doesn’t involve the troublesome diet and exercise required to get real muscles in shape.)

Foster widespread use of the emoticon I invented, for “Well, duh,” seen below:


Please take it and use it in any situation that makes you want to say, “Well, duh.”

Read half as many books as my wife, who goes through books like an NSA supercomputer goes through emails. Over/under for the number of books I’ll have to read to get to 50% of her total – 20. Totally true fact: By January 3rd and she had already read two books. So, I’m looking for recommendations of books with wide margins and lots of pictures.

Improve my workout routine from “half-assed” to “three-quarter-assed.” I’m not trying to be a CrossFit champion here. I just need to be able to climb a flight of stairs with a two-year-old in one arm and a baby carrier in the other. Is that so much to ask?

And now, here it is: the most important of my resolutions, and the most difficult one possible.

Care about things that matter; don’t care about things that don’t. It seems simple enough when you say it now, with the new year laid out before you like a crisply drawn battlefield map. But once your landing craft hits the beach, things get confusing in a hurry.

The question is, when you’re in the middle of the scrum of your daily life, can you keep the perspective that allows you to see what matters and what doesn’t? I hope I can. It’s certainly worth trying.

So, let prayers go up for discernment and wisdom. If I can keep this resolution, people will say, “Hey, Jason, you seem like you’ve had a good year.” And I can say, “Well, duh.” :B

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