If you can stand any more excitement, here are the match-ups for Region 2 of the 1st Annual Cynical Christian Tournament Bracket Challenge of Everything.
|1. The Beach (not the movie; the real beach)
Where do people who live at the beach go on vacation? And why?
|vs.||16. Movie Theater Air Conditioning
Makes it worth seeing those terrible summer movies.
The king of birthdays.
|vs.||15. The Pool
Poor cousin of the beach.
400 million users can’t be wrong.
|vs.||14. Gift Certificates
Like money, but with a built-in excuse to spend it on something silly.
|4. Harry Potter Books
How many books to people line up at midnight to buy?
|vs.||13. Harry Potter Movies
If you could bet on the success of movies, Vegas wouldn’t even offer a line on these.
When this was first suggested as a contestant in the bracket, I thought, “What?” Then I thought, “Well, yeah.”
|v.||11. Denzel Washington
The only actor who makes me want to see his movies, no matter what they’re about.
|7. Having a Good Comeback
When you think of it in time to use it, instead of three days later.
|vs.||10. Casual Friday
You get to wear comfortable clothes, combined with the slightly naughty feeling of doing it at work.
|8. Losing 10 Pounds
When those pants start fitting again, it’s like getting new pants!
|vs.||9. Gaining 10 Pounds
Let’s not kid ourselves: eating is fun.
Is Denzel Washington the new Norther Iowa? Make your picks early and often!