How to Celebrate Your 50th Birthday: A Multi-Part Adventure

The last time I wanted to make a big to-do about my birthday, Showbiz Pizza was still a thing, with its janky simulations of jugband critters and state-of-the-art flashy blinky machines. Now at age 50, I myself have become a janky critter simulation, and I don’t do nearly as much flashing and blinking as I used to.