My Quest to Get in The Babylon Bee, Part 3

The Grind

Sure, maybe you’re funny, but can you be funny on demand? Can you be funny every day, on a schedule? In other words, can you be professionally funny?

Because that’s what it is, when you’re producing for a regular publication. Funny on a schedule. So, can you sit down at your computer, in front of a blank page, and decide to be funny?

That’s the challenge as I get deeper into this and burn through all the pet ideas that I had stocked up before I started. Now I have to come up with something fresh every day. Preferably fresh and topical.

There are many times when I think, “That’s it. I’m dry. I’ll never come up with anything funny again.” It’s a lot like this:

But then, amazingly, something always pops up. It’s probably less talent than the fact that we live in an era that is extraordinarily fertile ground for satire. But still, ideas keep coming. Some of my favorites from this week:

  • Working-Class Robots Celebrate House Passage Of $15 Minimum Wage
  • DoorDash Driver Increasingly Wary As He Nears The Home Of Person Who Ordered Salad From Arby’s – This is another one of those that I think is hilarious but gets very little love on the forum.
  • Group Of Social Justice Activists Takes Advantage Of Lull In Conversation To Mentally Catalog Offensive Actions They’re Going To Accuse Each Other Of Next Month
  • Progressive Space Program Announces Ambitious Goal To Remove American Flag From The Moon – This is one of my most-liked from this period, with 21 upvotes.
  • In Effort To Improve Border Security, Congress Authorizes Small Deployment Of Troops Led By King Leonidas Of Sparta – This may be my favorite one I’ve written so far, but the forum says, “Meh”: 4 upvotes.
  • New Bluetooth-Connected Spoon Alerts You When Your Mouth Is Empty So You Can Shove In More Coco Puffs Or Whatever
  • FDA Announces Crackdown On Putting Two Fingers Next To Your Lips Like You’re Holding A Cigarette
  • Puerto Rico Governor Forced To Resign After Failing To Produce Pictures Of Himself In Blackface, Klan Hood

Opinions may vary, but I still feel like I’m producing quality content. I press on.

2 comments Add yours
  1. I have to say- for some reason, the bluetooth connected spoon made me laugh harder than anything else ever submitted to the forum. Seriously- sometimes it will randomly pop into my head and I’ll laugh. I think it’s just the dumbness of the invention that you can picture seeing in SkyMall combined with the way it’s worded with the “more Coco Puffs or whatever” tag line at the end. The DoorDash headline got a vote from me as well.

    1. Thanks a lot, Joel. I really appreciate it. I’ve got kind of a special place in my heart for that one too. I may have to resubmit it sometime.

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