Former Owner of USFL’s New Jersey Generals Gains Access to Nuclear Launch Codes

What just happened? I could not be more amazed if I had turned on the news and seen Bigfoot walk out of the woods and give a press conference where he announced that he was opening a chain of hair salons called “Sassyquatch.” I haven’t been this wrong about anything since that time I let Anthony Weiner borrow my cell phone. More …