‘Gate-O-Rama: A Quick Scandal Roundup

You may not have been keeping up with the recent spate of Obama administration scandals, perhaps because you have an interesting, fulfilling life; or your internet soup business isn’t panning out like you thought so you couldn’t pay your cable bill; or you’re a conservative and you’ve just given up on following the news, because to be a well-informed conservative in America today is to walk the knife-edge between despair and suicidal despair.

Whatever the reason, for your convenience I’ve prepared this post as a brief summary of the action up to now, so you can quickly get caught up and get back to your life (that soup isn’t going to ship itself!).

Scandal #1 – Benghazi-gate

Benghazi, in spite of sounding like the active¬†ingredient¬†in a mouthwash, is actually a city in Libya where the American consulate building used to be. I say “used to be” because last year a group of highly agitated young men who may or may not have been of the Islamist persuasion decided to blow it to smithereens over the course of and hours-long military assault. They killed the US ambassador to Libya along with three others. Several reports say that military support was available, but it was never sent.

Now that’s bad enough, but it’s not like Americans have never been blown up by terrorists before, am I right? And seriously, it happened so long ago.

But the real scandal started when senior members of the US government, including the President and the Secretary of State, explained the reasons behind the attack to citizens, including the families of the deceased, with a story that was completely fabricated. And when I say “completely fabricated,” I only mean that it was unrelated to the facts in any way.

So now a lot of people are curious about why it was necessary to fabricate a story. Unfortunately, the people who want answers are dumb and insignificant like red state congressmen, and not smart and powerful like Chris Matthews.

Odds of this scandal causing any real harm to Obama: 1 in 100
Odds of this scandal causing any real harm to Hillary: What difference does it make!?

Scandal #2 – IRS-gate

The IRS has been targeting conservative groups, donors, and political opponents of the President for excessive scrutiny and harassment.

That concludes today’s edition of “Things that Everybody Knows and Always Has Known.”

Now, the scandal part: The IRS has actually admitted to doing this! And now an IRS official has plead the 5th in front of a Congressional committee! Hoo boy, it’s always more fun when someone pleads the 5th!

This is going to be more of a big deal, because the IRS is the source of the scratch that politicians use to buy votes. They need that skrilla to keep flowing, and if taxpayers start to think that they can’t deal with the IRS in good faith, it’s going to be a lot harder to squeeze it out of them.

So, expect the government to spend a lot of time running around looking really miffed and acting like they’re doing something significant. Will anything really change? We’ll have to see a lot more bombshell revelations. There are still plenty of insignificant drones that can be thrown under the bus as a sacrifice to the appearance of good government.

Odds of this scandal causing any real harm to Obama: 1 in 15
Worst case scenario for Obama: Implementation of Obamacare crippled when everyone realizes that the idiots who run the IRS will now have access to all our medical records.
Most likely outcome: Lois Lerner forced to leave IRS, take mid-day slot at MSNBC.

Scandal #3 – Reporter-gate

The Justice Department has been gathering information on reporters for the AP and Fox News, including their phone calls and emails. That’s the Justice Department of the United States, not Cuba or Pottsylvania or anyplace like that. Ostensibly, this is for the investigation of security leaks, but a wild-eyed conspiracy nut might think that the administration is trying to lean on reporters to influence the tenor of their coverage. (For information on the accuracy of the beliefs of wild-eyed conspiracy nuts, go to any computer and Google “IRS Tea Party”)

I think it’s safe to assume that, had Fox News been the only target of the DOJ, then the high-fives coming from the mainstream media bureaus in New York and DC would sound like the applause from 1000 Barbra Streisand encores. However, since they’ve gotten into the AP’s kitchen too, then we have a Very Serious Breach of the Public Trust.

Reporters love covering stories that allow them to talk about how important reporters are, so expect this one to linger for awhile. There will be actual journalism done here, actual digging, and maybe later, some actual subpoenas for actual high-ranking administration figures. Bonus: While reporters wait on more news to break for this story, they’re liable to fill their idle hours reporting on some of the other scandals.

Odds of this scandal causing any real harm to Obama: 1 in 5
Worst case scenario for Obama: Eric Holder forced to resign.
Most likely outcome: A few DOJ flunkies forced to resign, AP foot massages for Obama cut back to twice a week.

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