Megan Fox May Wanna Buy a Honda*

America’s favorite Pentecostal since Sam Kinison

(“Hey Jason, you want an excuse to write something unusual about religion and post a gratuitous picture of Megan Fox?” Why, yes. Yes I do.)

In the future, I will have some kind of device implanted in my brain that will sound an alarm the instant stuff like this hits the Internet: Megan Fox tells Esquire that she is a devout Pentecostal who speaks in tongues.

Fox began speaking in tongues around the age of eight, when she attended a Pentecostal church in Tennessee. 

“The energy is so intense in the room,” she says, “that you feel like anything can happen. They’re going to hate that I compare it to this, but have you ever watched footage of a Santeria gathering or someone doing voodoo? You know how palpable the energy is? Whatever’s going on there, it’s for real.” 

Others in her situation have found release in booze and pills. Fox has found hers in church.
“I have seen magical, crazy things happen. I’ve seen people be healed. Even now, in the church I go to, during Praise and Worship I could feel that I was maybe getting ready to speak in tongues, and I’d have to shut it off because I don’t know what that church would do if I started screaming out in tongues in the back. 


“I can’t stand pills. I don’t like drinking. I don’t like feeling out of control,” she explains. “I have to feel like I’m in control of my body. And I know what you’re thinking, Then why would I want to go to church and speak in tongues? 

“You have to understand, there I feel safe. I was raised to believe that you’re safe in God’s hands. But I don’t feel safe with myself.”

Welp, didn’t see that coming. It’s an interesting article about someone who’s really famous but isn’t all that keen on the whole fame thing anymore, although the writer’s theme seems to be that in the modern world, beautiful “bombshell” actresses like Fox are obsolete (????? <-- question marks continue into infinity). You always wonder about sincerity when celebrities talk about God. It usually seems like lip service. But her observations about her faith seem sweetly vulnerable. Anybody can say they’re “spiritual.” But when you talk about your beliefs that specifically and with that sense of wonder, it carries the ring of truth. And when it comes to saying your Pentecostal, as Sean Connery said in The Untouchables, “Who would claim to be that who was not?”

*That’s a little joke for all my friends out there who grew up in tongue-speaking churches. If you get it, you get it.

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