Your Cynical Christian Football Gambling Tip of the Year

At the top, let me note again that I am legendarily terrible at predicting things. From presidential elections to the NCAA basketball tournament to the stock market, it’s a reasonable strategy to take what I say and assume the opposite will happen (“Ebay? What a stupid idea! Why would people want to buy other people’s junk online?”).

However, continuous failure has never stopped me from anything else, so it won’t stop me from making predictions either, especially about football. And it occurred to me that all the high-profile concussion issues the NFL is facing–with all the subsequent effort they’re making to reduce the violence of the game–is an opportunity for a gambling goldmine.

This year, the NFL is going to be putting a lot of pressure on refs to protect players from hits that might lead to more concussions, because they would lead to more bad press and more lawsuits. So, you’re going to see a lot of “unnecessary roughness” flags on those plays where a defenseless wide receiver is going for a ball and he gets decapitated by a linebacker or a safety.

After a few of those flags, the safeties and linebackers are going to start pulling up so as to not hit those wide receivers so hard. Wide receivers and their quarterbacks are going to figure this out, and all of a sudden the middle of the field is going to start looking like an eight-lane expressway to the end zone.

So my prediction is this: wait about four weeks into the season for the league to send their message about reducing violent hits, and then start betting the over in every game. Scoring is going to go through the roof and break all kind of records. The bright side of rampant brain injury is your chance for personal enrichment.

But remember, before you ask how confident I am in my own prediction, I’m not going to use this tip myself, because I loaded up on all that eBay stock.