The Colorado Shootings and More Completely Uninformed Speculation

Well, it’s been a day rife with conjecture, including the legendary, soon-to-be-in-every-journalism-school-textbook boner of the soon-to-be-Dollar-General-night-shift-stockboy Brian Ross. Nobody knows yet the whole story of what happened, but that didn’t stop anybody from jumping in front of the nearest microphone and trying to impose, by sheer force of will, their own version of reality.

I’ll throw in my own speculation, because why not? I’m at least as dialed in to the real story as anybody who was on TV this morning. Since everybody’s trying to guess the shooter’s motivation, here’s my list of most likely candidates, with odds for each:

  • Tea Party activist, angry about theater’s “No Guns Allowed” policy: 1,000,000 to 1
  • Occupy Wall Street supporter, sticking it to the Man: 50 to 1
  • Recent convert to Islam: 5 to 1
  • Sad loser trying to get back at the world: 2 to 1
  • Loughner-style outhouse rat crazy: even odds

And of course the option is open to tease two or more of the above together.

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