No One Here Gets Out Alive

There’s been a minor panic-ette over the World Health Organization’s recent declaration that cell phones may cause cancer.

More specifically, WHO has classified cell phones as a Class 2B carcinogen. Gizmodo helpfully provides a list of other things that are classified as Class 2B carcinogens, including:

  • Bracken fern
  • Carpentry and joinery [I have no idea what this means. Do I have to perform carpentry to get cancer or just be near it? – j]
  • Coffee
  • Dry cleaning (occupational exposures in)
  • Engine exhaust, gasoline
  • Magnetic fields, extremely low-frequency
  • Pickled vegetables
  • Talc-based body powder

Let’s just go ahead and stipulate that everything gives you cancer. Then we can get on with our lives and stop wondering if every new thing causes cancer. Do Kindle’s cause cancer? Yeah, probably. How about Hardee’s turkey burgers? Sure, why not? Zumba classes? Anything that can firm your abs and butt like that must cause cancer. Shaq’s retirement? There’s no evidence yet, but it’s probably just a matter of time.

The death rate among human beings is still 100%, so odds are something’s going to get you eventually. Save your worries for dilemmas you can do something about.

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