‘Round about this time every year, everybody starts paying tribute to the NCAA basketball tournament by doing their own bracket challenge to choose the greatest in this or that category: sexiest woman alive, most attention-hungry celebrity, best Dorito flavor, whatever.
This year, I wanted to do a tournament like the NCAA’s, but I couldn’t decide on a category. That’s when I hit upon the epiphany that is the 1st Annual Cynical Christian Tournament Bracket Challenge of Everything. That’s right; it’s the challenge to determine what is the best thing out of everything that is anything.
I’ll be rolling out the contestants over the next few days, and I think you’ll agree, we’ve got some really excellent match-ups. I don’t have any kind of voting system set up (dang you, day job!), but I invite everybody to chime in in the comments. Winners will be determined by a complex statistical formula combining reader input with whatever I think is right. So now, on to the first regional bracket!
Bracket #1:
1. Back Rubs
 Because, who doesn’t like a good back rub, hmmm? |
vs. | 16. New Socks 
|
2. Naps
We fight them as kids, but part of maturity is learning that naps are totally sweet. |
vs. | 15. Free Toy in Your Cereal Box
Admit it: when you started buying your own groceries, you bought some cereal just to get the prize. |
3. The Microwave Oven
So common it’s taken for granted, but goodness, how many inventions have been better than this? I would’ve starved to death in college. |
vs. | 14. Getting Off an Airplane
Whether you like to fly or not, this is great for all kinds of reasons. |
4. Snow Day
A weekday where you don’t have to go to work or school, but you’re not sick! |
vs. | 13. Good Parking Place
Wait, is that a handicapped spot? It’s not! Woo-hoo! |
5. New Car Smell   Whether it’s your car or not, always great. |
vs. | 12. Warm Brownies
When making your pick, remember to consider both taste and smell. |
6. Broken-In Jeans
For those of us who remember when you couldn’t buy jeans that were already broken-in, this is especially sweet. |
vs. | 11. Audrey Hepburn 
Inspires great admiration in people who don’t even know anything about her. |
7. Found Money
How awesome is it when you’re going through your pockets and you find folding money? |
vs. | 10. Happy Babies
Babies in general may have some drawbacks, but happy babies are better than TV. |
8. Billy Mays  By all rights, he should be extremely annoying, but instead he actually made you want to buy things. So he must have something going on. |
vs. | 9. Abraham Lincoln  Would’ve been seeded higher, but he suspended habeas corpus, waited too long to replace McClellan, and married Mary Todd, all of which hurt his RPI. |
Make your picks in the comments! Next region coming soon!