Muslim Rage, Presbyterian Jokes [The Best of jaceonline]

Author’s note: I used to blog at, and in an effort to introduce myself to new readers and hopefully wring a little more entertainment value out of those old posts, I’m going to be dipping into the old site and re-posting some of my favorite entries. Hey, if Leo Sayer can have a “best of” collection, so can I.

Those nutty Muslims are kicking up dust again, this time over the recent statement from Pope Benedict the Exvee. The Pope decried the concepts of jihad and religious conversion by violence. Naturally, Muslims reacted to statements implying they are unthinking and violent by rioting in the streets.

I would ask if the global Muslim community realizes how funny this is, but it’s obvious they don’t. Have you ever seen such a bunch of touchy, humorless people who weren’t waiting in line to get into a Tori Amosconcert? This brings to mind something Jonah Goldberg wrote a while back, speaking of an article on Islamic fascism from the Wall Street Journal:

What I like about Scruton’s piece is that it raises the humorlessness of Islamism. Whether that makes it fascist seems debatable, but it’s supremely relevant. Ideologies usually don’t have a sense of humor, but ideologues who don’t should be distrusted.

I love watching kids at that age when they start to develop a real sense of humor. It’s a great sign of growth and maturity when you can say something that is intentionally funny; even more so when you can say something funny about yourself. Nobody says anything funny about Islam. What would it look like to even attempt it?

Muslim #1: Why did Mohammed cross the road?
Muslim #2: The Prophet (peace be upon him) would never cross a road! The other side of the road would come to him! Infidel! You must die!
Muslim #1: Well, I didn’t mean any…What are you doing with that sword?
Muslim #2: [Schwing!]
Muslim #1: [Sound of severed head plopping to the ground.]

Or maybe something like this:

Muslim #1: Knock, knock.
Muslim #2: Who’s there? Not some Jewish son of a pig and a whore, I hope.
Muslim #1: Mohammed.
Muslim #2: How dare you imply that the Prophet (peace be upon him) would bruise his knuckles on a common door! Infidel! You must die! Where’s my suicide belt?!
Muslim #1: Did I say “Mohammed”? I meant…”Chester.”
Muslim #2: [KA-BOOM!]

Not too long ago, my Southern Baptist church had guest pastor from the Presbyterian church down the street. (Kind of like when Carson would go on vacation and Gary Shandling would host the Tonight Show. Except different.) In his opening remarks, he thanked the congregation for letting “one of those frozen, chosen Presbyterians” preach to them. And of course he got a big laugh, because we all know the reputations of our assorted denominations, and we joke about ourselves, and we joke about each other, and we get along.

And I thought, that’s when we’ll be able to tell that the Middle East is ready to join the rest of us in the 21st century: when they’re mature enough to joke about themselves, and not fly into a screaming rage at every perceived slight. Nobody who is this prone to tantrums deserves to be taken seriously.


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