Just When I Thought I Was Out…

Before The Cynical Christian I wrote another blog pretty regularly. It was just a grab-bag of topics that interested me, but more often than not I would end up talking about politics in one way or another. I fell out of the habit of writing for that blog, and one of the main reasons was I just burned out on politics. It just seemed like the same argument over and over again — Democrats saying, “Blah blah blah illegal war blah blah universal health care blah blah corporate greed”; Republicans saying, “Hey sailor, come to this bathroom often?” Everything about the perpetual debate was disappointing and dispiriting.

But now it’s the night of the Iowa caucus, and I’ve been glued to election coverage all night (completely ignoring the Orange Bowl, by the way, which is way out of character). I don’t know what’s got me interested again. Maybe it’s the fact that years of arguments are finally starting to coalesce into some action. Maybe it’s the fact that Mike Huckabee is standing at a podium with CHUCK BLEEPING NORRIS gazing admiringly over his shoulder, a picture that is bound to wind up in the Freaky Political Image Hall of Fame some day. But anyway, the game is truly on now, and it begs for some analyzin’, dagnabit.

First off, let me say that I liked the results from Iowa for the simple reason that, when it comes to politics, I like nothing better than chaos. And now that the presumptive favorites for both parties have been upended, we’ve got us some chaos.

Obama’s big win is delightful for so many reasons, number one on the list being that Hillary got her ample behind handed to her in the process. It is disconcerting that Edwards finished a strong second, though, because if he gets the nomination he’s just slick enough to win the whole shebang.

Huckabee’s win is a big, big positive because it’s a finger in the eye of everyone who said that the Republicans don’t need the evangelical vote anymore. What do you think now, chumps?

On the other hand, Huckabee’s win is a negative, because the thought of him as president of the United States is absolutely terrifying. He reminds me of no one so much as Jimmie Carter — a folksy, down-home guy who is guided by nothing other than his sense of self-righteousness. If he thinks it’s a good idea, then it must be, and none of that limited government nonsense will stand in his way.

So, okay: the first primary is behind us, and if it’s any indication, there’s a lot more silliness (and hopefully more Chuck Norris) to come. Bring it on, baby; I’m ready.


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