As I mentioned before, since I don’t have anyone to vote for, I’m only following the 2016 presidential election for it’s entertainment value.
With that in mind, I’d like to see Trump pick the most entertaining vice presidential running mate possible. Here are my suggestions, along with their equivalent entertainment value.
Would this not be hilarious? The sound of heads exploding would be deafening. From the time the announcement was made until they had to vote in November, supporters of both candidates would have the same look on their faces that Stephen Rea had during the second half of The Crying Game.
Sanders might accept if Trump asked him, too (C’mon! At this point, can you really say anything is impossible?). He and Trump, as nationalists and populists, have more in common than not, and after Hillary strong-arms him out of the nomination, he might be itching to stick it to her.
Entertainment value: Someone turns on the sprinklers while your football rival’s marching band is on the field.
Also hilarious. And don’t tell me Donald and Bill wouldn’t have a great time together. You know he’d rather campaign with Trump (and Melania, and Ivanka) than be dragged all over the country by the ball and chain.
I’m sure Bill is contractually obligated to make some campaign appearances for Hillary, but there’s no reason he couldn’t do both. “You can vote for history this November and elect our first woman president! But… if you’re not interested in that, Trump’s really good too! It’s win/win! Bubba out! Peace, y’all!”
Entertainment value: An America’s Funniest Videos montage of guys getting hit in the nuts with whiffle ball bats.
Not Chris Christie; just his pants. And Trump should force Christie to stand there on stage with him and hold up the pants while Trump makes jokes about them.
“Look at those things! How much fabric is in those? Make a few more of those and we could bring a lot more textile jobs back to our country, I’ll tell ya that much!”
Would the pants actually make a good vice president, you ask? What, compared to Biden?
Entertainment value: That scene from Goodfellas where Joe Pesci keeps asking Ray Liotta, “So, how am I funny?”
As the number one source of intellectual arguments for the Trump presidency, I think Twitter should at least get consideration as running mate.
Think of all the inspirational messages we’ll hear on the campaign trail. “Hey loosers! TRUMP is teh b0$$!! GEt on teh TRUMP TRAIN or geton the jew boat back to jew land! #Unity”
Entertainment value: Being 6 years old and singing “On Top of Spaghetti” all the way through on a long car trip.
Trump wants to surround himself with winners. And obnoxious people. So hey, 2-for-1. And just think of the potential for all the “deflated balls” jokes vis a vis Hillary.
Entertainment value: New baseball cap with pre-cupped bill
Wooo!! Trump! Woooo! Wooooooo!!! Trump!! One dollar!! One dollar!!!
Entertainment value: Videos of building implosions
“You know he’s good because he does good work. Am I right, people?” Entertaining because Trump would then be able to turn literally any question into a discussion about his trophy wife.
By the way, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think Melania is all that good looking. She’s like what Bruce Jenner would look like if he knew how to do makeup.
Entertainment value: Bruce Jenner’s appearance on “The Love Boat“