Other Things Harry Reid has Heard about Mitt Romney

Senate majority leader and super-brilliant, smarty-smart, Sherlock Holmes-like sleuth Harry Reid recently revealed that a totally reliable and absolutely not-made-up source told him that Mitt Romney didn’t pay taxes for ten years.

Naturally, the nation is reeling from this news. But they haven’t even heard everything yet. There are still more revelations to come from Reid’s imaginary friend rock-solid source, including:

  • Romney once pinned an¬†effeminate¬†high school classmate to the ground and forced him to eat a Chick-Fil-A sandwich.
  • Romney wrote a negative review of The Dark Knight Rises on Rotten Tomatoes, saying that he didn’t want to see another movie about what a middle-class loser does in his spare time. He included a link to an audio file of himself laughing for ten straight minutes.
  • He may wear a USA Olympic Team tshirt in public, but in private Romney roots pretty hard for the Cayman Islands team, if you know what I’m saying.
  • If you look closely, while everyone else is singing the national anthem, Romney is mouthing the lyrics to “Call Me Maybe.”
  • Romney likes to go into restaurants while the staff is closing up for the night and give giggling speeches saying how he’s sorry to have to do this and he hopes they all land on their feet.
  • Ever notice how much Romney’s hair looks like Wesley Snipes’ in Blade 3? Their hair stylist is also their accountant.

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