More 40 Year Old Things That I Am Better Than

That Amtrak post got me thinking—now that I’m later-middle-aged (ahem), I want to know where I stand in relation to some more of my peers. So here are some more 40 year old things that I am better than:

Greenpeace – You can spend any amount of time with me and not walk away with patchouli stink all in your clothes. Also, I’m considerate enough to let whalers go about their business in peace.

jar-jar-dominatedLucasfilm – I haven’t spent years building up a dedicated fan base only to send a seven-foot-tall Jamaican-talking lizard-man to rip their hearts out. (Let’s now take a moment to enjoy this picture of Jar Jar getting elbowed in the face. Ahh, good stuff.)

The Hard Rock Café – I haven’t been painfully cheesy since 1985. It was well into the ‘90’s before I became painfully cheesy.

The Libertarian Party – We’re tied for the number of candidates we’ve ever gotten elected to the presidency, and my foreign policy isn’t as crazy as an outhouse rat.

Aqualung – I’ve never made the mistake of mixing hard rock, pedophilia, and flutes.

Borders Bookstores – I’m not getting my lunch eaten by Amazon.

Starbucks – I only have one location, but the upside is I’m leaving lots of room for locally-owned, mom-and-pop versions of me.

So, yes, it’s tough getting older, but I’m doing better than a lot of other 40-year-olds out there.

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