The March Madness Bracket Challenge of Everything

‘Round about this time every year, everybody starts paying tribute to the NCAA basketball tournament by doing their own bracket challenge to choose the greatest in this or that category: sexiest woman alive, most attention-hungry celebrity, best Dorito flavor, whatever.

This year, I wanted to do a tournament like the NCAA’s, but I couldn’t decide on a category.  That’s when I hit upon the epiphany that is the 1st Annual Cynical Christian Tournament Bracket Challenge of Everything.  That’s right; it’s the challenge to determine what is the best thing out of everything that is anything.

I’ll be rolling out the contestants over the next few days, and I think you’ll agree, we’ve got some really excellent match-ups.  I don’t have any kind of voting system set up (dang you, day job!), but I invite everybody to chime in in the comments.  Winners will be determined by a complex statistical formula combining reader input with whatever I think is right.  So now, on to the first regional bracket!

Bracket #1:

1. Back Rubs

Because, who doesn’t like a good back rub, hmmm?

vs. 16. New Socks
Multi Colored Argyle Knee High Socks By K. Bell 


Good socks can really make all the difference.

2. Naps

photo by John-Morgan

We fight them as kids, but part of maturity is learning that naps are totally sweet.

vs. 15. Free Toy in Your Cereal Box

photo by Special

Admit it: when you started buying your own groceries, you bought some cereal just to get the prize.

3. The Microwave Oven

photo by zoomar

So common it’s taken for granted, but goodness, how many inventions have been better than this? I would’ve starved to death in college.

vs. 14. Getting Off an Airplane

photo by Jeremy and Christine

Whether you like to fly or not, this is great for all kinds of reasons.

4. Snow Day

photo by alex.ragone

A weekday where you don’t have to go to work or school, but you’re not sick!

vs. 13. Good Parking Place

photo by Zach K

Wait, is that a handicapped spot? It’s not! Woo-hoo! 

5. New Car Smell
Lane's Car Products New Car Scent - 16 oz

Whether it’s your car or not, always great.
vs. 12. Warm Brownies

photo by jmackinnell

When making your pick, remember to consider both taste and smell.

6. Broken-In Jeans

photo by Zoë Campbell

For those of us who remember  when you couldn’t buy jeans that were already broken-in, this is especially sweet.

vs. 11. Audrey Hepburn
Audrey Hepburn Art Poster Print, 24x32

Inspires great admiration in people who don’t even know anything about her.

7. Found Money

photo by Pfau

How awesome is it when you’re going through your pockets and you find folding money?

vs. 10. Happy Babies

Babies in general may have some drawbacks, but happy babies are better than TV.

8. Billy Mays
Billy Mays Here For OxiClean
By all rights, he should be extremely annoying, but instead he actually made you want to buy things. So he must have something going on.
vs. 9. Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Would’ve been seeded higher, but he suspended habeas corpus, waited too long to replace McClellan, and married Mary Todd, all of which hurt his RPI.

Make your picks in the comments! Next region coming soon!

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