‘Round about this time every year, everybody starts paying tribute to the NCAA basketball tournament by doing their own bracket challenge to choose the greatest in this or that category: sexiest woman alive, most attention-hungry celebrity, best Dorito flavor, whatever.
This year, I wanted to do a tournament like the NCAA’s, but I couldn’t decide on a category. That’s when I hit upon the epiphany that is the 1st Annual Cynical Christian Tournament Bracket Challenge of Everything. That’s right; it’s the challenge to determine what is the best thing out of everything that is anything.
I’ll be rolling out the contestants over the next few days, and I think you’ll agree, we’ve got some really excellent match-ups. I don’t have any kind of voting system set up (dang you, day job!), but I invite everybody to chime in in the comments. Winners will be determined by a complex statistical formula combining reader input with whatever I think is right. So now, on to the first regional bracket!
|1. Back Rubs
Because, who doesn’t like a good back rub, hmmm?
|vs.||16. New Socks
We fight them as kids, but part of maturity is learning that naps are totally sweet.
|vs.||15. Free Toy in Your Cereal Box
Admit it: when you started buying your own groceries, you bought some cereal just to get the prize.
|3. The Microwave Oven
So common it’s taken for granted, but goodness, how many inventions have been better than this? I would’ve starved to death in college.
|vs.||14. Getting Off an Airplane
Whether you like to fly or not, this is great for all kinds of reasons.
|4. Snow Day
A weekday where you don’t have to go to work or school, but you’re not sick!
|vs.||13. Good Parking Place
Wait, is that a handicapped spot? It’s not! Woo-hoo!
|5. New Car Smell
Whether it’s your car or not, always great.
|vs.||12. Warm Brownies
When making your pick, remember to consider both taste and smell.
|6. Broken-In Jeans
For those of us who remember when you couldn’t buy jeans that were already broken-in, this is especially sweet.
|vs.||11. Audrey Hepburn
Inspires great admiration in people who don’t even know anything about her.
|7. Found Money
How awesome is it when you’re going through your pockets and you find folding money?
|vs.||10. Happy Babies
Babies in general may have some drawbacks, but happy babies are better than TV.
Make your picks in the comments! Next region coming soon!